When someone close to Eva shares that her spiritual seeking seems "lost," we laugh…and then unpack it. Also Kyley opens up about the homeschool journey.
When someone close to Eva shares that her spiritual seeking seems "lost," we laugh…and then unpack it. Also Kyley opens up about the homeschool journey.
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Eva: [00:00:00] Hey everyone, it's Eva.
Kyley: It's Kylie.
Eva: Welcome back to Hello Universe. Um, I have a topic that's locked and loaded that I would love your help with because it's, I'm kind of going through a little mini existential crisis to be honest about it.
Kyley: my favorite kind of crises. So
Eva: cool. Great. Yes, I know it's like your expertise. Um, I wanna talk about the topic of being lost,
Kyley: Mm-hmm.
Eva: and so what do I mean by that? Um,
Kyley: for the record, ever since you picked this topic, all I can hear is the frozen [00:01:00] song Lu. I can't, I can't sing, so, but some everyone out there who is a mom is now
Eva: Yeah. Let's
Kyley: the woods.
Kyley: And to me, this is really funny too because, um, like, hmm. Sorry for the long pause, but this is amusing to me because this idea of like not having your shit together. Like if you were the like, okay, I have a really good friend, like one of my best friends in the whole world who's like intentionally like gave up their lease and like travels all over the country and all over the world, their like, have a remote job and um, and they've like made this choice where this chapter of their life is like very intentionally about minimalism and travel and um, and their family is being really, and their close friends are being like really supportive.
Kyley: And also like, that feels like the kind of thing that someone could be like, [00:02:00] Oh you don't have your shit together cuz you're like, don't have anywhere to go. Like, Right. Like you're like thinking about quitting your job to start your own business while traveling. Like, what are you doing? Right? But like you, um,
Eva: but like I hear that, I'm like, Oh, that seems awesome and glamorous to me.
Kyley: Yes. Right. Well, and I guess I'm feel like I'm being roundabout, but I guess what I'm trying to say is I would think that someone would look at someone's actions and say, You seem lost because you are traveling a lot, or because you move or you have new jobs all the time. Right. But like the, like act of being a seeker and like basically prioritizing spirituality as the reason you are lost is very amusing to me because it's like, uh, yeah.
Kyley: I just would assume that someone would base that off of actions. Not like, Oh, you're philosophy must mean you're
Eva: Right. Yeah. I mean, which is just like, the reason I say it's a little bit of an existential crisis is because [00:03:00] normally I would like listen to that and laugh and just think, it's kind of funny because I don't identify with it. But I think there is a part of me that's like, um, I think anyone who's ever been on this who's on I guess what you would call the spiritual journey at some point, usually more towards the beginning is there's a point of being like, Wait, am I, you know, when you haven't spiritually come out of the closet yet, essentially, like that's language that I've heard you use.
Eva: Like, you know, we both had to spiritually come out of the closet right at one point, and now we're so far away from that. But that was very real at some point. And I think there's this idea like when I, when I'm in that, um, phase of being. Oh, I'm very sensitive to being like, Oh yeah, this is just woo woo shit.
Eva: And it's like, um, and it's kind of silly. And, and do you know what I mean? Like, I guess there can be that kind of fear and I haven't felt that in so, so, so, so, so long. But I think the reason I do feel is because this person who I'm talking about who's like has brought this, who has said this about me, is someone [00:04:00] who's opinion I really like, admire, I respect and care about, and can be a little bit triggering for me.
Eva: So basically I'm talking about a family member for people who are wondering cuz you know, family, people in your family can just really tend to get under your skin the most.
Kyley: yeah. Well, it's like the, the special package of someone who's known you for a super, super long time. And so like , you are invested in the relationship and also like, uh, current, you like current, you and current them wouldn't if you weren't family or you weren't friends for 30 years, like might not
Eva: Oh, like we, Exactly, like, we totally, exactly. Wouldn't even, we wouldn't even be in the same world essentially. We're so different. But I think, but to be clear, Oh
Kyley: Sorry, can I
Eva: yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.
Kyley: So like, I think what you were speaking to before is like, there's often this phase in the beginning of your spirituality where you're like, Oh, I'm afraid that anyone finds out that like, I have crystals, or I wanna go on these meditation retreats, or whatever the thing is. And then you kind of like, you haven't been there in a really long time, so you are kind of in some [00:05:00] ways surprised that you're like, Oh, this person's opinion is like, I would, I didn't expect to like, have it last longer than a couple of
Eva: right? Yes. Exactly. Yes. Um, and, To be clear. I think when they were saying that I was a little bit lost, it wasn't just like my spiritual paths and like beliefs. It was also that I am 38 years old and I haven't hit the milestones that I think some people would think are, uh, I guess if you are more traditional, like think are
Kyley: like suburban house and kids
Eva: right?
Eva: Yes. Yeah, totally. Like,
Kyley: Oh my God. As a suburban mom with kids, I'm like,
Eva: but it just felt like such a Yeah, but that okay. It just felt like such a fucking weird reality, like split because this is, okay. This is the analogy that I was sharing with my, with Adam. Um, I don't know if this is like, okay, this is, this is the analogy that I [00:06:00] have. It's like I imagine being someone who's like living in New York City.
Eva: Maybe you like came. As like queer, gay, trans. And then you have like your chosen family, and then you're in your New York City life and you've been living there for 10 years, and it's so the norm where you're in New York City where like, this is just normal and it's all good. And, and you don't even think about the fact that maybe the rest of the world isn't like this anymore because your just kind of safe in your own environment and you're like, all you, you know, you're just totally, that's your life.
Eva: And then you go back home to like butt fucking Alabama or something, and you're like, Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, I totally forgot that. Like, you know, like alternate realities that like, I am a weirdo to some people. Like I, this is very different to some people. Like the thing that I've completely normalized as is actually just fucking bizarre.
Eva: And that's kind of like how I felt in that moment of like, I think I've built this life for myself [00:07:00] where, you know, you and I, and you're part of that, you know, like. I've been intentional about choosing people in my life who value the same things as me, who like love to play with magic and all that stuff.
Eva: And it's like really fun. And then it's weird when you're taken out of that and you're like, Wait, people think that this is, they think we're weirdos.
Kyley: Yeah. Yeah. I, um, I think I'm lucky in that like, my mom owns a yoga studio. My mom listens to the podcast, like, is like a loyal listener to the podcast, right? Like some of our guests are like friends with my mom , who my mom, right? Like, so I have, um, I in some ways feel like I have this like, um, my bubble gets to, I get to stay in my bubble longer because my mom will, like Colin Bidel, are like an early guest on our podcast.
Kyley: One of my favorite episodes, I recently bought my mom a reading with Colin, who's in Astrologer, and my, my mom came to visit and we stayed up to like midnight. She told me like all about her reading with Colin, how great she brought out her notebook from [00:08:00] her astrology reading. It was
Eva: I mean, honestly, like I'm jealous of that relationship that you have with your mom, because, like my parents, again, I think it has, it's not just, I'm sure it's not just the Asian cultural difference, cuz you know, you could also be white or black and have the same issues. But like, my parents literally have no idea what I do.
Eva: They still don't understand, I'm serious. Like they don't know what I do. And it's,
Kyley: I know.
Eva: it's bizarre.
Kyley: Yeah. I mean, I have extended family. Uh, that definitely, uh, I remember when I was at a family party and someone was like, Oh, I mentioned something about business. And someone was like, Oh, you are doing that? Still in like Exactly. It was so funny to me. Um,
Eva: Oh my
Kyley: but I think like the decision to homeschool feels like, feels sense, feels a little sensitive. Like, like you're speaking to. Right. It's like I feel really [00:09:00] good about my decision. You know, Nick and I are on the same page or like, like, we're not actually on the same page, but is it, we're on like, like you open the book and they're right next to each other, which I think is even better because there's ways that we like, want the same thing and also can like, reflect back at each other, like a nuanced, like hashing out of the best way forward.
Kyley: Um, and, um, and my, like my mom who was a school teacher and it like, you know, is like all about it. I think if my mom could choose, we would live 10 minutes away and she would just be dancing teacher, which I wouldn't hate. Like when you're English teacher, mom comes to visit, like, you know, the phonics lesson is much better.
Kyley: Um, anyway, my point being is I have felt sensitive. I have, I have felt that kind of sensitivity around like, what will people think about my, like, out like woo. Lifestyle in a way that similarly I haven't [00:10:00] about like. Business spirituality in a long time that I have felt it as about homeschool and I like, I don't really want it.
Kyley: I don't wanna see people that I'm afraid might sub subtly say things. So anyways.
Eva: Well, I told, so that's like, okay, so let's, I wanna like segue into that and then maybe like balance these two topics. Cuz I don't even know what it was that I wanted to bring up about this idea of being lost, which is that like, there's something here for me that I'm trying to like, come to terms with this.
Eva: Like, yeah, maybe I am lost. And, and, and we like what? Something that Adam said that I thought was just like so perfect when I told him this. He was like, he's like, Who's not lost? Like, if you don't think you're lost, you're either delusional or you're ignorant. Like, and ignorant isn't just like, you're not aware.
Eva: And I was like, that's actually feels more true to me because I think I'm so afraid of being lost. Like this is, this is like the weird paradox is that. I don't wanna be lost until I accept that actually, wait, I actually am lost . [00:11:00] Like I am, like, I have no fucking clue what is going on. That is why I'm seeking.
Eva: But at the same time, I don't know, it's just this other balance of also like, but the weird thing is like, I also feel more in control than I ever have in my life in other ways. So it's this kind of strange,
Kyley: Well, it actually kind of reminds me of, you know, you've shared on the podcast many times this concern that shows up for you of like, Am I losing my mind?
Eva: Am I crazy? This is
Kyley: I crazy? Am I crazy? And the, like, someone reflecting back to you, Oh, you, you must be lost. Feels on one level. Hilarious. Cuz you're like, well, A, we're all lost.
Kyley: And B, like, I'm more found, you know, quote unquote than I've ever been. And then, and then also, At the same time, it touches directly on this kind of existing concern of like, okay, lost isn't the issue, but it lost feels like a cousin of crazy.
Eva: [00:12:00] Totally. Yeah. Okay. I'm so happy you brought that up because I think that's, I think you're hitting the nail in the head. Like this is just touch, like touching into that wound that I have, it's like poking at it. The insecurity of like, Oh, this is just another version of where I'm crazy. Which is actually really helpful to see because I'm like, Oh, now I know where I get the story from.
Eva: It
Kyley: Ah, yes, yes,
Eva: coming from I think comparisonitis, which is such a bitch, and I, you know, which I didn't do it, but this idea of like understanding myself in the context to what I grew up with and like, you know. Yeah. Like, you know, people who I've known for a really long time, so it's helpful to see that.
Kyley: Yeah, that's a really good point. That's a really good point. Um,
Eva: Wait. Oh mm-hmm.
Kyley: Okay.
Eva: Oh, well I was gonna ask about homeschooling, but did you have something else you wanna say about that?
Kyley: no,
Eva: Okay. So yeah cuz so in last week's episode, Oh yeah. So listeners, see if you haven't listened to last week's episode too, you should go listen to that cuz it's just funny because [00:13:00] last, well, the last Kylie e episode.
Eva: Anyway, I just went into this whole beautiful long rant about how I like think it's so important to go out and live your, like tra have all these experiences and live your life. And that's like the funny thing that speaks to that. It's like that is intentional and someone can hear that and be like, Okay, well I just think you're lost.
Eva: Anyway, in that conversation we also just briefly touched on your beginning of homeschooling for your two kids. And I think it's fucking amazing because, and I, and I would love to like maybe even talk about, I think what this, what this represents, you know, To start off the conversation, I do wanna say, um, the funny thing about homeschooling is that like, I'm, I'm hearing you do it, and actually I'm seeing a lot more people do it recently.
Eva: I don't know if it's Covid or maybe
Kyley: think Covid like cracked open a way that people were like, Oh, either they did it because they like, it felt your kid was already home. Or it just like changed the paradigm enough that it seems [00:14:00] less
Eva: yeah, yeah, yeah. And I also think I'm, I just know different people like know different people now, so who are like, Oh, I don't actually want my child to be indoctrinated by like this western school system. But I will say, when I was a kid, my immediate reaction to someone who was holding school was like, Oh, they're a weirdo.
Eva: They're like, almost like a, like a pariah of some sort. And so this is why I wanna talk about it, because I think it's, that's ki that's, it's just so interesting, like how. I think it's still perceived that way in some ways. Right? Especially like, so I grew up with like a classic public school education,
Kyley: Mm-hmm.
Eva: the, in some ways, like these coming of age movies you see about people in high school, I feel like could have just happened at my high school it was so fucking cliche.
Eva: And just like the most high school, high school, the only difference being that most people were Asian. But like, you know, you had the prom queen, you had the jock, you had the egg , like, and so yeah, [00:15:00] I guess I'm wondering like, if you're worried about that
Kyley: So I'm very much just deciding that like, this is what we're doing for this year. Right. And I'm not making a decision. And this was something that Nick and I both were really clear with each other on. Like, this is not. This is not the plan. This is like, as in like, this is the plan for how we educate our kids forever.
Kyley: It just felt like if this is what felt really right for this year, and then as we, as it comes time to make a decision about next year, we'll have more information, we'll, we'll have, we'll, we'll have a sense of what's gonna be right for a family next year. So, I don't know. And I actually, um, am part of a, a small like, um, a small like group chat of homeschool moms and I texted them this, like texted them just mean the other day, um, from Tupac mom about like basically, uh, what was, forget the exact quote, but it was basically her being like, like the.
Kyley: [00:16:00] You're never gonna be taught the system that is oppressing you, is never gonna teach you how to overthrow it. Like the system that is oppressing you is never gonna teach you who your true heroes are. Like you have to learn that outside of the system. And I texted that, like that quote to this group and I was like, So this is my daily waffling.
Kyley: Am I like here for the revolution? Or am I just doing this for one year to buy my hyperactive kid some space to like do better at normal school? Like every day is different in terms of . Like what's, what is like even the, like what is, like, what is my intent around like this ex, you know? And in some ways I don't, I think, I don't know.
Kyley: Right? Because you know, as I've shared many times, as is very hyperactive, like very clearly has a d d I actually have an interesting story about that, um, as do I, and. and we were, I was talking, so if you don't, listeners don't know, my kids go to, um, nature school three days a week for half a day, and then I do homeschool,
Eva: [00:17:00] awesome, by
Kyley: which is great.
Kyley: And it's the same nature school teacher that Desi had last year. She has six kids. She's absolutely incredible. Like, I kind of tear up, like every time I pick up my kids, we like Miss Lisa and I chat for like ages. My kids, the kids are like laying in her driveway waiting for us to be done talking. So she's really great.
Kyley: Um, but we were, but she's also like very much an ally and um, and like really loves Desi and sees him and also is like on board with like, you know, the same philosophy I have, which is like, you have, I want you are accountable to your behavior, like in the group and like, you know, making like kind, considerate decisions and also like, We are responsible to figure out how that's a thing that feels comfortable and safe for you, right?
Kyley: Like, we're not, it's not, we can't just yell at you to sit down a million times. Like you can't fucking sit down. So like the other day we were like researching together like [00:18:00] what kind of fidget toys could work at Nature School, right. Anyway, point being, we were talking, she was like, basically he was like being super disruptive last week and like total pain in the ass at Nature School.
Kyley: And I, and uh, we were both cracking up and I was like, Well, I'm really glad I didn't send him to traditional school. And she's like, Yeah, he would, he would be. She's very mild manner. She's like, be having a hard time. I think that would be hard.
Eva: Yeah. Yeah,
Kyley: Um, anyway, I like, cause like a ly answer to your question, but I don't worry about like if he'll be a weirdo because, um, I'm not committed that this is what we'll do forever and I do really feel like. Oh, go ahead. What did you
Eva: Well, I was gonna say, that's the weird thing though, is that like you're saying, you said like you're not, you're not worried about him being a weirdo because you don't know, You know, if this might, you don't, if this is gonna be a year long thing or a five year long thing, but I guess my question is like, what is it?
Eva: Does it, If your, if your child is [00:19:00] homeschooled, does that automatically mean that they're a weirdo? Do you know what I mean? Like, that's like, I think the, even the worry that I had, I'm not even mean, I don't even mean that in like a, in like a,
Kyley: yeah,
Eva: uh, ju like a stereotypical way. I think one of my concerns is like, what about the social interaction?
Eva: Right?
Kyley: So, oh my God, I have so many thoughts about this. One is, uh, so I went to this homeschool, like picnic the other week, and uh, there were, it was, it was small, but the kids there were like the most interesting, interested kids I've like ever met. And I was like, I was like driving home thinking about how cool they all were.
Kyley: And I was like, Wait, were they cool because of homeschool? Like, like I like kinda still where my, it's very small sample size, but I was like, wha
Eva: But of course that would totally make sense to me because you're not, your magic isn't snuffed out.
Kyley: Yeah. And that was one of the moms in particular were saying like her, cause we were like sharing like our motivation and [00:20:00] she was like, I got to college. And everyone was like, Pick a major, pick your passion. And she's like, and I had spent my whole life just trying to follow the rules. I had no idea what I even wanted.
Kyley: Like desire and like vision and creativity had ceased to exist for me. And she's like, and I don't want that for her. You know? And they had gone to, um, public school for a couple of years and it wasn't a good fit. And, and I was like, Oh, I hadn't even thought of that. Cuz my mom very much is someone who's lived her whole life off of passion.
Kyley: And so it's like, part of our family's culture is like, you know, my mom was the kind of mom who was like, Like, follow your passion and the rest will work itself out. Which at the time I didn't realize was like a, you know,
Eva: Such a gift. Yeah.
Kyley: such a gift, you know? Um, so anyways, part of me is like, um, maybe that's bullshit.
Kyley: I mean, conversely there's a lot of like super fundamentalist Christian homeschool vibes that I'm sure probably do turn into weirdo and [00:21:00] but also like,
Eva: for different reasons
Kyley: but for different reasons and like, you know, okay, where does he's gonna grow up and be like, Oh my God, Mom, you shared my whole life on your dumb podcast. But like, when he is like trying to control when he's like, when he's trying to control and like turn down and. Turn off his really hyper energy, um, without a good outlet.
Kyley: He does this thing where he clenches his fingers like he's like a lion, and he kind of grows and like sticks his hands in your face. Like it's a very weird
Eva: Yeah.
Kyley: and he's doing it because he's trying so hard to control himself and he and also doesn't understand how to like manage his own energy, right? So like part of me is like if I send him to school, he's probably more likely to be a fucking weirdo at this exact
Eva: right, right, right.
Kyley: I might be help cuz like [00:22:00] he has a hard time with like, understanding the understanding space for people and like, not like,
Eva: totally.
Kyley: So, So part of me, like, again, maybe it's just this year, maybe not, but like part of me is like, I'm probably helping your social, like we're just giving you a little space before you have to go.
Kyley: You
Eva: Yeah. Yeah. Well, because I think your situation is, Well, I will say, I don't know all your reasons for homeschooling, cuz we haven't gotten into them yet, but, But it is very clear to me that when you were thinking about it, it wasn't because you were like, fuck the system. Like I don't want my kid.
Eva: It was more like, Hey, I am very aware and cognizant of my kids' needs and I wanna be able to support them as well as PO as much as possible. So like that seemed like the number one motivating
Kyley: You know what else too, truthfully, like we talk a lot about, on the show, about our bodies and like my body made the decision for me, like it was so strong. It was [00:23:00] so loud. It was like
Eva: That mama intuition. Yeah,
Kyley: Like quiet. It was like this quiet thing that had been there for a long time. And then this summer between the elementary school shooting in Texas and Roe v Wade, it was like, it just turned into this ferocious roar that was like, I felt like if I didn't listen to it, I like, felt like I would, like, I was like killing some part of my, It was, it
Eva: course, you can't ignore it when it's that loud.
Kyley: it was so loud.
Kyley: I mean, and it was still really uncomfortable and scary to like, you know, like, it, it doesn't feel it scary now, but like at the time it just felt like, um, yeah, really uncomfortable, but also like it, there was just no other option available. And it felt like a lot about safety and like lots of different layers of safety.
Kyley: Like certainly safety because of all the school shootings. Um, [00:24:00] Certainly safety about like, you know, the particular makeup of my son and the way that my town only has full day elementary school. Right. Like that kind of like logical like safety of like knowing what he emotionally and energy wise needs.
Kyley: And then also just the safety. It's funny cuz in some ways the, the ruling on Roe was actually, I think the thing that like
Eva: Hm
Kyley: was like actually the deciding factor, which seems unrelated and also isn't, and it was just like, you know what it was, I think after Roe it was so fucking clear to me that systems are not interested in my
Eva: Right. Your, our systems aren't here to help us or protect us. Yeah. They don't have our best interest in mind.
Kyley: That's not what they're designed for. It might be, it like, could be a side effect, especially cuz I have a lot of privilege. But like, they're not designed to take care of me. They're not take designed to take care of anybody except for like, the [00:25:00] perhaps constant churn of like capitalist machinery, . Um, and,
Eva: that's really interesting.
Kyley: and it just felt like if the system's not designed to take care of me, if the system's not designed to keep me and my kids safe, then I have to fucking keep them safe.
Kyley: And that means I'm not sending 'em to school. Um, and then I'll figure out, you know, and I really feel like, um,
Eva: Wow, that's actually really, I mean, there's a lot to be said about that. I mean, one, it's um, you know, infuriating and heartbreaking whenever we are reminded like our, you know, the systems aren't here to keep it safe, but also there's something so beautiful about you recognizing that and like better for your kids and being like, Nope.
Eva: Like, that's like, I'm not just gonna do the status quo thing because it's the status quo. Like you're, I think you're like, really, You're strong, you're very real. Maternal instinct was like, Nope. Um, there's gotta be a better way, so I'm gonna make it.[00:26:00]
Kyley: I, yeah. And it was interesting because Nick and I had, Nick has been so incredible throughout all of, like, I don't even have words. Um, we had one like argument about this and. At the end of the argument, which was like, you know, short and like that's, you know, it's like, what about happens? But, uh, at the end he was like, you know, all this anger isn't, isn't helpful for you.
Kyley: Like, like, you know, like this was like when we were like having the, like, the lovely conversation after. He was like, All this anger isn't helpful for you. When I was like, I actually think you're wrong. I was like, if every mom gave herself permission to be fucking rip shit
Eva: Mm
Kyley: and things would be different, Like, and, and he was like, you know, he's like, That makes sense, but also like, what is it getting you?
Kyley: And I was like, my anger got me this year. If I didn't let myself feel so fucking furious about the state of the world and my kids, I wouldn't have felt strong [00:27:00] enough to make this decision. And so, like, I think that if every mother out there. Actually had access to how fucking furious she is. Like Specif seems specifically in America.
Kyley: Like I think we could, I think she could change the
Eva: Yeah. I think there would be a lot more change. Yeah.
Kyley: And also,
Eva: is like, oh, like there's so much to unpack in there, like, that's so beautiful. But also like, you know, that's such a beautiful thing. But I also think it says a lot about how we don't allow ourselves to feel our anger.
Kyley: but also it's a privilege for me because I could feel my anger, because I also had the option to homeschool because I don't have a traditional job,
Eva: Mm-hmm.
Kyley: right? Like, I can also understand where maybe if I didn't feel like I had choices, I would've ignored the subconscious call to be angry because it felt like, well, I can't do anything with this anger.
Kyley: And so, um, and so I, I like [00:28:00] completely fully see that and also feel. I don't know. I guess, I guess this is my Ted talk to all the moms to be fucking pissed.
Eva: yeah, yeah.
Kyley: Anyway, um, and I'm so fucking glad we're doing it because it has become abundant. I was joking with my friend, but I was like, this whole year might just be Kylie and Desi figure at a d d together.
Eva: Oh my God. I love that though.
Kyley: And it like, cuz it also, everything I just said about the revolution and anger and there's another part of me, it's like I also just might need a year where Des and I both figure out that we are like, have both have pretty intense a, d, D and like need to together and separately learn some good systems so that school is a viable option, Traditional.
Eva: yeah. Well, it's just so interesting because I'm assuming, I mean, you've already shared, but like by observing the a d d in your own child, you must see it more clearly in yourself and how that's like, how that has shaped you in all these different things. So it's like, you know, Desi's a mirror, in your learning about yourself.
Kyley: y'all, One [00:29:00] of the themes of this whole season might be Kylie and her journey with a D because it has Yeah. Watching Desi and then like learning, like even, sorry, we were going so off topic from the original topic, but like one of the
Eva: Hold on. When do we not do that? ? Yeah,
Kyley: very true. The theme is lost.
Kyley: We have lost
Eva: Yeah. Yes.
Kyley: Um, so, Okay. Desi's super hyperactive as is my mom. Uh, and uh, I for a long time didn't even, didn't even realize that I had a d d because I'm not particularly hyperactive and I had read before there's like a whole theory of a d d that in girls the hyperactivity. Like weaponized inward and turns into anxiety.
Kyley: And I was like, That's a nice theory.
Eva: Oh my God. Uhhuh. Yeah, I was gonna say, but now it's all click
Kyley: see my face, but I'm making the, like
Eva: Yes. It's all clicking together. Oh, wow. That's really interesting.
Kyley: and, and I, I [00:30:00] had read that and I like, couldn't it like somehow just didn't land in my body. But then somehow, again, my, my, my friend Ray, who's a really good friend of mine, knows my whole family, has EDD herself, was like, VI is visiting for the month.
Kyley: And she was like, cracking up. She's like, Yeah, if your mo like you are the link between you and your mom, like you and your mom and Desi, like you're all the same, but somehow you're not the one who's April. Like, like it's just clear that, um, the, like the desire to be a good girl is like hooked in. And I've been kind of un unfurling. Un forming this idea of like, what are all the ways I basically have disallowed myself movement. Like either in the way that like my mom and Des are like physically expressive. I'm saying, this guy says, I like wildly moved my hands as if I don't have a lot of movement. Right? But like, what are all the ways in which I like, like constrict my [00:31:00] body and also like my energy and my movement and um, and like, and, and movement in terms of like things I wanna say and movement in terms of like things I wanna write and things I wanna create in the world, which you might be listening to being like, doesn't she create something new every month?
Kyley: But what if that was actually me, like with a tourniquet, right? Um, and that some of my like lifelong relationship with anxiety is actually like all of this energy that needs a, like an outlet. And since I didn't give it one, it was like, Oh, okay, we'll just start hating ourselves.
Eva: Right. It just got turned inward, which, Well, so to bring this all back together though, the reason I think is really interesting is because I think that's exactly what you don't, what you're trying to protect DESI from.
Kyley: Which also explains why I have felt like so intense about protecting Desi from, right, Because it's like, oh, like it's, perhaps it's not just mom instinct, perhaps I am quite intentionally [00:32:00] trying to protect him from my own experience without realizing I'm trying to
Eva: Right, right, right. But see, so this goes back to the whole thing about homeschooling. Is that so for someone who grew up in like a really traditional public school education, there's a thought. I know. I just wonder if like, there are people who, who are listening to this who might think like, Oh, I went to public school and, um, my magic wasn't stuffed out. Meaning like, I, I, I'm happy I went to public school because then I got to, so get, I got socialized and therefore I, then I wasn't a weirdo and that made me more acceptable.
Eva: But I guess that's what I'm trying to say is like that in itself is the problem.
Kyley: Okay. So I think it's really interesting. That. I mean, yeah, I had a, like, school was like my safe haven growing up. I loved school. Like I was a full Hermione gr like I loved school. I had a really happy time pursuing academics. I had good friends. Like I generally had a good
Eva: Yeah, wait, [00:33:00] and I just wanna jump in and also say, that's the funny thing. I'm talking about it like, like the school is just this machine that pumps out people. But like, I also had a great school experience. School was my safe haven. I, I didn't like it for academic reasons. I wasn't, you know, um, like we had very different school experiences.
Eva: I liked it cuz it was, I was like popular and I had lots of
Kyley: were very, you were, you were cool
Eva: Yeah, I was, And I had like yeah, exactly. I dated these older guys and I had a great time in high school.
Kyley: so.
Eva: But I can say that, I can see though how, uh, it is also like the, like this, this, this. How, cuz what happens is you go to school and then you want to conform like that is immediately what happens because all you care about, I can even from.
Eva: I don't know, fifth grade to, in your twenties or whatever, you, you, it's like all you care about is your friends, like, especially in high school. And you just care about your friends and there's this desperate need to belong and to assimilate. And so while assimilating is good because it keeps you safe, it is actually just perpetuating the [00:34:00] system of like, we all have to kind of try and be good and accepted so that, and not too different, or else we're gonna be outcasts.
Eva: So it's a, So it's strange because I feel both things.
Kyley: yeah. Well, and I think it's interesting. What I was gonna say is, I think it's interesting is you're, the topic you brought forward is this idea of like, lost slash am I going crazy slash family like judgment. And what's interesting to me is like the, the hook on homeschooling for you personally is about this. Relationship, socializing, being an outcast versus being included. Like none of these questions, to be totally honest, have actually even crossed my
Eva: Oh, really?
Kyley: because I think in part because
Eva: you don't have the same stories that
Kyley: cuz I don't have the same, they're not the, I don't have the same hooks or it's all about like the, like the loudest.
Kyley: I think the, in some ways my body's thing is like physical safety, right? [00:35:00] Like kids are getting shot at school. My body like mama bear is just so that is humming under underneath for better or worse. But I think the loudest, like of the loudest emotional reason other than that or whatever is um, uh, is about this like hyperactivity, suitability for school and then the way that we internalize our badness when the system, when you know the system or like our teacher is just like fucking annoyed at us cuz we can't sit still.
Kyley: And um, and what that would do to my. Very hyper, very sensitive little kid. So it's, to me, it's all about like the stories that we turn that turn inward and that turn into our like own stories of badness, which you've been listening to the podcast for a second. You know, our own inner stories of badness is a bit of a pet topic of mine.
Eva: Mm-hmm.
Kyley: So, anyways, it's fascinating to me
Eva: But I feel like they're kind of the same thing because I think, I mean, so they're diff they're different. And it's really interesting cuz it's illuminating [00:36:00] what our projections are. It's illuminating like what our, our concerns are. But I think ultimately the core is the same, which is that like my idea of like, when I talk about like, oh, how you go to school and everyone just wants to belong and assimilate is because again, if you don't, you're bad or you're broken or you're, because it's the same thing, like you're saying Desi would be like, uh, get the message that sometimes he's bad because of like his a, d d.
Eva: And I'm saying like, Well, you'd be bad because you are not.
Kyley: would think you're weird.
Eva: Yeah. Or you're not socialized. You're not,
Kyley: So basically, Okay. Like the, a story of like, the projection then for you in like, in all these different areas is like about being a weirdo and an outcast, right? Like basically rejection. Yeah, rejection for social reasons. And the one for me is basically like, you failed the productivity exam.
Eva: Oh,
Kyley: It's, right. It's like work, It's work equals worth.
Eva: Oh, wait. Is that, is that what [00:37:00] it It's the productivity thing.
Kyley: I mean, maybe not, but maybe the productivity wouldn't be the like word I would use if I were to really like for like write about it. But there is, I think for me it's like, like, um, it's like this extra Does the, does the external authority approve of me?
Eva: Oh, yeah.
Kyley: And for you it's like, does the like social
Eva: Right. Approve of me. Right. And ultimately we just wanna be loved and like know and trust that we're good and not like broken or fucked up or something, or incompetent. Yeah.
Kyley: it's kind of blowing my mind to see how much, I guess part of me right now is someone is like, maybe he does, he's someone who's way more concerned about the social, right? Like, it didn't even cross my mind, but like maybe he's not a kid who would internalize external authority. Maybe it's, it is the social structure or some other third thing we haven't thought of, but uh
Eva: I hear you're saying that what's blowing your mind is how, like, and we've had this conversation before. We, we were on a boxer [00:38:00] chat with our other friend, Rebecca's like, the problems that we see are just projections of what we are holding onto. Like, it literally, it may not even really be a problem in reality because in reality there's like no good or bad or right or wrong, but like, It's because we are insecure or unsettled or not embodied in something with us.
Eva: And then, and then we have that insecurity that shows up in the world and it becomes, do you know what I do? You know what I'm trying to say? Like, it's a really
Kyley: Cuz if it doesn't, I mean this is why like your, the comment about you being lost is really interesting because on one level it completely washed away instantly. Like funny. And then also at the same time it like niggled its way,
Eva: Right? Made it wait. Yeah.
Kyley: it, which is to say like a large part of you has like, has no relationship to that story.
Kyley: And then some part of you is like, is is invested in that, is in that story. Um, yeah.
Eva: So if you, cuz you said, um, you did say at one point [00:39:00] like, you know, deciding to homeschool Desi was scary. So what was scary about it? If it, if it wasn't because you were afraid of like he wasn't gonna get socialized or, like, what was it? Just like you, you weren't sure if you could manage the task of like trying to like,
Eva: So, yeah, cuz because there was no part of you that felt like it was scary because you felt like if this was a crazy decision to make, right? It wasn't like, Oh, I'm like, does not like the social pariah thing. It wasn't like, Oh, this is weird. Like people are gonna think I'm a weirdo.
Eva: That's not why.
Kyley: Um, there is, there was some, uh, You know what, it felt so clear in the moment of the decision that it was the only decision that like physical, like Mother Bear energy was so strong that it was like I didn't give a fuck what anybody thought.
Eva: Okay.
Kyley: N now I'm a little more like sensitive. Yeah. I'm like a little sensitive in the sense that like, I just don't wanna have conversations with people who [00:40:00] are judging me.
Kyley: It's not that I'm like sensitive, like, oh no, it's like I just don't wanna, I just don't wanna have the conversation when I know that you're also judging
Eva: Yeah. But what do you think people might be judging you on? That's what I'm curious about.
Kyley: Oh. Cuz I think people think it's a weird thing to
Eva: Okay. Cuz Yeah, because people think it's a weird thing to do.
Kyley: Cause I think, yeah, I think people think it's a weird thing to do. I think people think it's an irresponsible thing to do.
Kyley: Again, external authority. Um, I think, yeah. Oh, that's really interesting. Yeah, it's definitely wow. that you respons realtime processing
Eva: Yeah,
Kyley: Um, yeah, it's, I think it's the idea of like, it being, it being irresponsible, it being weird. Um,
Eva: you have to like justify your decision and all that.
Kyley: And like maybe some question of like, if I'm, if I'm any good at it, like, so I have no fucking clue what I'm doing Right?
Kyley: Like, I have lots of experience teaching like [00:41:00] college students, you know, or like, um, and as I've, as I like my relationship to structure. Whack. And I'm also running a business and like, so figuring out like the , just figuring out, like the other day we had the best homeschool day in terms of like actual learning content by far.
Kyley: Because I got a whiteboard and I put three stickers on the whiteboard and I wrote down, these are the three things we're gonna do today. And the, so the stickers are really cute. So it's like pineapple time, unicorn time and rainbow time. And my kids go, I'm like so excited. I was like, Okay guys, now we're gonna like play this word game.
Kyley: And birdie was like, it's unicorn time.
Eva: Very stoked.
Kyley: Very soak. But it was like, is is like, oh, okay, I've created structure and rhythm. Um, and it's the end of September. Like I'm having to figure out, like I'm being [00:42:00] very intentionally gentle with myself around. Like, it helps that Desi's already like. Ahead of
Eva: The curve.
Kyley: like curriculum requirements. So I'm like, okay, I have at least six months of fucking this up before it
Eva: Yeah. Before he like falls. Yeah. Yeah.
Kyley: mind.
Kyley: Um, so, um, I've been like really gentle about that. But then also there's this whole question of like, well wait, am I doing, And this goes back to the question in the beginning of like, am I doing this to help you be more prepared for first grade or am I doing this to like build a revolution? Um, because there's a part of me that's like, Okay, we just like replicating school at home, but we play games instead of do work, you know, whatever.
Kyley: Like, like, or are we playing and like let, like, you know, like today we went apple
Eva: Mm-hmm.
Kyley: and now like we, like, I was like, should I make up a science lesson while we're Apple? We just fucking went apple picking. Like we just [00:43:00] played all day. It was so much fun. Uh, and like, and so there's like questions for me around like, Well, how much is this again, like what I think I'm clarifying what my own intention is and what my own philosophy is, and so I'm like building the ship as I'm going in part because like, what does Desi need?
Kyley: What do I need? What does Bernie need? Bernie
Eva: also, what are your beliefs about, Like what is like, uh, what is like a proper education? Like what is actually helpful, what's not helpful? Like, oh my God, there's this movie called, oh, what's it called? I, it's gonna drive me nuts that I can't think about it because I really want everyone to watch it.
Eva: It's so fucking good. It's about, oh, the Alpinist Alpine.
Kyley: Oh,
Eva: He, it's about this kid who like goes climbing and like, what do you call it when you're just climbing with no rope free, free whatever. It's like, anyway, I love those like free solo type movies. And this kid is just like, I swear to God, he's like, He seems like a little enlightened or something.
Eva: He just seems like this little zen Buddha who's like [00:44:00] really good at climbing rocks. And his whole story was like, Yeah, like I wasn't a great student, and so my mom like homeschooled me and half of my education was just like, when I was feeling antsy and I had this energy that I had to get out, she would take me out and just like, let me climb rocks and just like be in nature and, and B, with the soil and the world and like that I think is a really important piece of like education.
Eva: You know what I mean?
Kyley: that blew my fucking mind the other day, Eva. I, I wanna watch that. That sounds really, really like right at my alley in this moment. Okay. Every single thing that my kids had learned up until this point, they've just learned like, how do you learn to walk? You just learned to walk, right?
Kyley: Like you walk, you do learn faster if there's other, like, kids who are walking around you, but like, generally speaking, you just.
Eva: There's an organic nature
Kyley: time. Right. Same thing. And that's what we've watched with Desi. He basically started teaching himself how to read. And we were like, Oh, I guess we'll get you some books.
Kyley: Like, because he literally was like reading [00:45:00] words. It was kind of unsettling. Um, and like it's like, like look at the all of the language that they have sentence structure, like they just learn. And so is it true, and again, this is someone who wanted to be a professor speaking everybody, but is it true that you need like formal intervention or what if you got to just play and be curious and that directed you towards all the things that you would need and want to learn
Eva: Right, Totally. Of course. But then I like, But what about, But what about.
Kyley: Cause I'm like, who organically like decides that they're interested in fucking chemistry?
Eva: Right. Cause Yeah, exactly. Or I was gonna say like, but what about like all the fucking stupid shit they teach you in, in school that you never fucking use, Where you could be teaching your kid about how to do taxes and how to like manage your finances and you could be teaching your kids [00:46:00] about sewing, I don't know, cool shit that you will actually use instead of like, honestly sew much of the stuff that I don't remember anymore and I don't feel like I'm less smart for it.
Eva: You know what I mean? Like, I mean, yeah, you wanna know your timestables, you wanna know who the presidents are, but also like, I don't really think, God, I took like econ and don't remember shit.
Kyley: Well, and even things like we were reading this Destiny, we were reading this book about money, and I was able to stop in the middle of the book. It'd be like, So they don't have any women on money and like, And then I was like, well, except for Sage Joa, but like, you know, no one uses that coin.
Kyley: You've never seen it before. And then like they were gonna, and I could talk to him about, he actually has a picture of Harry Tub in his room. So I was like, supposedly gonna put Terra Tubman on the $20 bill. I didn't get into Andrew Jackson and the Trail of Tears, I couldn't quite get to that point. But like, we got to have a whole conversation about like, like, Hey, you are subconsciously absorbing that only men get to be on money.
Kyley: And I'm gonna point out that that's whack. [00:47:00] And uh, like school's probably not doing that. Don't have,
Eva: They don't have the bandwidth for that. Yeah,
Kyley: They have bunch
Eva: Exactly.
Kyley: five year olds. You don't have time to give them a little feminist lecture. You know,
Eva: And also, you know, as a teacher, possibly be threatened by a parent being like, You taught my kid this, and I don't think you should have said that. And like, you know, having
Kyley: you don't get paid enough for
Eva: Yeah, exactly.
Kyley: like you're just trying to get by. Um, so. I don't know. I guess that's what I also, Okay. Also, one more thing about this. I like my kids more when I miss them, so that also complicates it. I like having a business. I like having creative projects. I get bored if I have to spend too much time with my kids, which sounds mean, except I see them all the fucking time, so I
Eva: I don't think, I think, I'm sure most parents can relate
Kyley: So I'm also not like, Like philosophically maybe. I like the idea of like being a [00:48:00] revolutionary and homeschooling and also emotionally and temperamentally. I like having my
Eva: Hmm.
Kyley: be a creative grown up, so
Eva: Yeah. I would love to get like a homeschooling expert on our podcast, if you like. Okay. Listeners, if you know of someone doesn't even exist. Like I would love to be, I don't even have kids, but I think it's important because the, the ed education, the education system is really important cuz this is literally what is molding all humans into adulthood.
Eva: It's insane. It is nuts. So like, I would love if Yeah, Ki or Kylie, if you come across someone, like, I would love to have someone come in here and talk about it, but
Kyley: I was on my radar
Eva: because it's like, also, Yeah. What about your own personal time? My Adam's stepsister has five kids and she homeschools all of them. And I'm just like, I don't know how you do it.
Eva: Like that's,
Kyley: Yeah.
Eva: Yeah, it's nuts. Quick question about this like, um, lost thing. So you were talking about how like, you know, there's a part of you that sometimes doesn't wanna have to talk to people about it because you don't, you know, [00:49:00] maybe people, it'll be perceived as like, you know, are you doing a good job?
Eva: Or like you have to justify your opinion. I think my question goes back to this is like a very broad question that I think people are always asking is like, you know, we talk so much on this podcast about just listening to yourself and trusting yourself above all else. And I think both of us are do are like, our whole lives are like based on that , but sometimes I feel like the question that I start to have is, When do I get too much in a bubble and need to listen to output from other people?
Eva: And I don't know. Yeah, the homeschooling thing doesn't really fit into this, but I guess what I'm trying to say is like, you know, you're making a decision here and you're very sure about that, and I think that's awesome. And normally I'm like, Yes, I'm a champion for that and I'm still a champion for that.
Eva: But I think this whole conversation that I had with this like family member this weekend prompted this question that I always have is like, what's the difference between listening to yourself steadfastly and then delusion
Kyley: Yeah.
Eva: do you draw the line? And that's a constant.
Kyley: I think it actually does apply here too, [00:50:00] because it's like I'm making a decision. It's one thing when you're making your own decisions, it's another thing when you're like making these, like, you know, if this is a decision of delusion, it's like, well, I'm making a, I'm impacting a lot of people's life, right?
Kyley: And I do feel strong enough about it. And again, it's the one year commitment. But like, I, I, I totally hear what you're saying, and I've actually been thinking about that lately. Like, what is the line? Yeah, I don't know. Cuz we all like delusions a real thing. Like I don't have a good answer.
Eva: Right. Well, because this is again, okay. Maybe the theme that's gonna come up in this podcast while it's already been coming up Where in three year, three now, Holly Universe. And it's been an ongoing thing of like Eva Wonders, is she crazy? Because so much of like wondering if you're crazy is like being like, Wait, I really believe this, but am I delusional?
Kyley: Hmm.
Eva: Like
Kyley: Well and the ironic thing is, is like actually being crazy I feel like is like when you're actually crazy, you
Eva: you don't ask
Kyley: if you're [00:51:00] crazy. So like in some way, But the irony is that like the fear that you're delusional is like maybe the thing that's keeping you from being delusional. I don't actually think that's true, but
Eva: No, but no, I totally understand what you're saying. Like I say this to my clients, my clients are like, Well, how do I know that I'm not gonna get too cocky? Like if I become confident, like I don't wanna be cocky, and I'm like you, like you will never be cocky because you like know yourself like I like you know yourself.
Eva: You're the person who's always checking in to see am I being cocky? And because you're asking those like self checking questions, that's the very thing that like you're never gonna be at risk of being a cocky asshole. It's just not built into your system that way.
Kyley: And isn't it like kind of an exhausting thing to keep having to check in with yourself that you're not being right?
Eva: It is, But I mean,
Kyley: questions of am I being delusional? Are maybe the thing keeping you from being delusional, but that doesn't feel true in my body, but like it's also like exhausting to keep asking the questions.
Eva: totally exhausting. [00:52:00] But I mean, but I will say like, Okay, so. You're the, So my two responses to that are, and again, I don't have an answer here. I'm not saying one is better than the other, but you know, something that you said to me once that has always resonated with me is that like, there's room for doubt.
Eva: Like, and I think that's kind of the same thing. It's like, it's okay to not be sure, like, am I, is this crazy? Like, I don't know, maybe I'm just not sure. And I just have to make a room for the fact that, you know what, Fuck it. I just don't know. And I'm, I'm never gonna know. I'm never gonna have the concrete, like, tidy answer that I want.
Eva: And maybe there's room for doubt. And another conversation that we had with Cassandra Le Lays at her last name cuz she was on our podcast and she did, we had a really awesome episode about like spiritual materialism and like, um, you know, when, when spirituality gets to be like really culty and toxic and she was kind of saying the same thing.
Eva: She was like, It's actually good that you question
Kyley: You know what's clarifying for me in this moment is the difference between doubt and worry.[00:53:00]
Eva: Mm. Say more about that.
Kyley: Yeah. Because doubt to me is like, worry is really graspy and worry. Actually, worry actually wants a solid answer. Right? Worry wants yes or no. Black or white doubt is curious.
Eva: Mm.
Kyley: Or it has the possibility of being curious.
Kyley: Right. Cuz doubt can be like, Oh, I don't know, maybe I am delusional. That's an interesting, That's interesting. , right, Right.
Eva: Yeah. And, but also because there's not that pressure. You're like, Oh, maybe this is a little revolutional. Let me like, go and explore and find out like what's, what's
Kyley: let, let's, let's see what, And I think in some ways that's where like, I'm, you doing this for a year is a way of like making room for doubt, right? Cause it's like, I don't know, I might get into it and be like, This sucks. Well, okay, watch a lot of TV for the year and then go to, Right? Or like you could start school in January, like whatever, we'll figure [00:54:00] it out. But I think, I think that uncertainty makes us uncomfortable. So then we try to like seek control and then the doubt turns into worry cuz worry is control energy.
Eva: No. Totally. This is so good. Okay, I think we're done with the episode. Seriously, Like this is like, I mean I think you've summed up something really helpful for me cuz there's such a different, You can, I guess what I'm hearing you say is like you can doubt without having worry. Right. Which I think we sometimes forget.
Eva: It's like that holding that paradox of like, yeah, what if you doubt without needing to feel like you have to like figure it all out as if you're grasping for to your life. So, So you're safe.
Kyley: It's really funny. I'm kind of . I'm like, uh, I'm watching that like unfill in my own body of like, Oh, what are all the ways that I have like [00:55:00] meshed out and worried together?
Eva: I mean, I think I honestly, I mean I have to like go out into my life and play around with this a little bit more before I can come back and say definitively. But like, I think you're asking, you've just answered a really big question that I've been having in my life for a long time. Cause I'm always asking, like I don't, I'm trying to do the dance between like, I want to question, I think questioning is a good thing, but also too much questioning is detrimental and painful and actually not helpful.
Eva: And so really what you're helping me, helping me see is like, well, there's a difference between doubt and just like the questioning. That's what the energy of like, hey, I can doubt something and make room for that. I don't have to have the answer and I can kind of figure it out. Versus, I think what I have been doing is like conflating, um, That with worry of like needing to like figure it out and, does that make sense?
Kyley: Yes it does. And there's like a corollary thing showing up, which is that there's something, there's some really interesting paradox of like being the seeker who [00:56:00] trusts that the answer will come to you as opposed to being the seeker who thinks they have to go out and find the answer.
Eva: Yeah.
Kyley: Yeah.
Eva: this was so helpful. Like seriously, it's just funny, like I, I'm sure you've, we've had this conversation, I've had this conversation many times before and I think this is gonna be really helpful for me to go out into the world and just notice the difference.
Kyley: Yeah. Cause I, I've make room for doubt has been like a tenant of like,
Eva: Mm-hmm.
Kyley: that's like how I, when I, when I actively taught intuition, like that was intuition workshop. Like that was like the kind of a core piece of it. But I've never observed before. The like link with worry. So yeah. This feels like kind of a gift for both of
Eva: Cool. Yay.
Kyley: Too formally anxious,
Eva: All right. Well, I mean, I feel
Kyley: we do joy?
Eva: this [00:57:00] feels like a good place to tie it up, tie it all together.
Kyley: Yeah.
Eva: Do you wanna go first? Okay.
Kyley: Um,
Eva: What's one thing that's bringing you joy? Kylie Caldwell.
Kyley: I love my friends.
Eva: Hmm.
Kyley: So I think I shared last time that, um, my friend Ray is visiting for the month today. I met my friend Vanessa Jay Love, who is a podcast guest halfway for Apple picking. She has a daughter who's great friends with my kids and like, oh, which is at the best fucking time. Like, it's just like really, really, really great time.
Kyley: I'm so happy that we're back to podcasting schedule. I just feel really loved
Eva: Hmm.
Kyley: and I feel, yeah, I feel, I feel lucky to have really beautiful friendships. I love my friends.
Eva: Yeah. Friendships [00:58:00] are so important.
Kyley: Yeah.
Eva: I love that.
Kyley: Yeah.
Eva: Shout out to friends y'all.
Kyley: Yeah. Yeah. Um, alright. My love. What's something bringing you joy right now?
Eva: Okay. So I'm just gonna say, Okay, so my joy, I'm gonna, for this week, I'm gonna go in a different direction. I've been talking about this nonstop. I wanna give a shout out to another tell to a television show because I'm a pop junkie, Pop, pop culture junkie.
Eva: Um, it's a show called Severance, and it's on Apple tv and it is a beautiful fucking work of art if anyone is looking for something new to watch. And who also loves like pop culture. It, it's not about pop culture, it's about the premise of the show is people who get their brains, their memories are aged.
Eva: So when they go into work, they can't remember their like personal life. And then when they come out of work and they're in their personal life, they can't remember work at all. So it's like they've intentionally wanted to be severed so they don't have to think about work. [00:59:00] And when they're at work, they don't have to think about their family or their kids or whatever.
Eva: It's like they don't even, It's just this, It's very trippy. It's very trippy premise. It's a little bit like I can't do heavy things anymore. So it's not that heavy. But there is some spookiness to it. Like it's very stylish. It's just, I don't know. I give so much props to people who create beautiful artwork and this is like a piece of art and it's like so well written and the actors are amazing and the story is so creative and I'm literally like just, there's only one season and.
Eva: Uh, it's funny, like a TV show can captivate you that much, but like it's, I really see it as our, it is so fucking good. So if you guys are looking for something trippy and hilarious and it's really commentary on like capitalism and like work culture, um, go check out Severance
Kyley: Oh, this sounds amazing.
Eva: Yeah, it's awesome. Oh, and the Alpine is too, if you guys haven't seen that movie, that movie is amazing.
Kyley: I might go inside and watch that right
Eva: Yeah. All [01:00:00] right. All right. So if you aren't already, give us a Follow on Apple podcast. Share this with your friends. Give us a shout out on the Gram if there's anything that you know caught your attention.
Kyley: Yeah.
Eva: Is there anything else I'm forgetting?
Kyley: Just so we think you're all the best.
Eva: Yeah, We love you and we'll see you next week.
Kyley: Yeah.