In this month’s Advice Column Episode, we answer a deeply relatable question: How can you begin finding balance when you’re so busy and want to be more spiritually connected but it gets pushed down to the list?
In this month’s Advice Column Episode, we answer a deeply relatable question:
How can you begin finding balance when you’re so busy and want to be more spiritually connected but it gets pushed down to the list?
Do you feel stuck or confused and need some advice? Is there something troubling you that you'd like us to weigh in on? We can support you!
Email your questions to podcast@hellouniversepod.com or DM us on instagram
Book a discovery call with Eva
Kyley's Instagram: @kyleycaldwell
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[00:00:00] So this week's question is from Megan. Her question is, how can you begin finding balance when you're so busy and want to be more spiritually connected, but it gets pushed down to the end of the list?
Kyley: I love this question.
Eva: Because I mean, who doesn't deal with being too busy and not being able to prioritize things that maybe are important, but don't feel as [00:01:00] urgent.
Kyley: Yeah. So what immediately comes to my mind is that I think we have to take the time to define for ourselves what our spirituality means. Which is interesting. If you go back to the first, I think two seasons of the show, that was our lead in question. And then we kind of stopped asking it in part because everyone.
The same answer,
Eva: Yeah.
Kyley: which I think is important here because when people answered, what is spirituality to you? People didn't say, well, these 5 rituals that I do every day, right? What everyone spoke to is what most people spoke to is some version of like connectedness or presence or love, which is not about a to do list, right?
And so, so I, the first thing that comes to my mind with this really beautiful question is to be clear with yourself on what, what your spiritual, what you're interested in being in devotion to, right? If spirituality is what devotion, like, what are you interested in being in devotion [00:02:00] to? And then you can see your practices or rituals as support, but not actually the spirituality themselves.
Eva: Amen.
Kyley: do ancestor work. That's beautiful because it connects you to the thing that you live in devotion to, but the ancestor work is just the tool. You could swap out any tool, um, or no tools.
Eva: Yep. I can, I completely agree. So I think this is this question points to, I think like a confusion that we have about spirituality sometimes, um, which I think can actually be very problematic, which is like, Oh, it's about what I do. So, you know, for some people, in my case, it's like meditation, like, and then it becomes transactional.
And it's like, okay, well, how many people get so caught up with like, did I meditate every day and how long did I meditate for rather than like, wait, am I actually being, um, Present in my everyday life. Like we don't [00:03:00] meditate to get better at meditation. You get minute, you meditate to get better at life.
Right? And so same thing with tarot cards. Um, you know, being in our altar yoga and whatever. Yeah, those are all just things that we do. But as you listeners of this show, you know, that Kylie and I are all about, it's all about how we be. It's all about how we be and what our presence is. So, um, and I think this is such good fucking news guys.
This is very good news because that means you can be the busiest motherfucker out there in the world. Um, and still also be the most spiritual person in the world because you're basically, it's how we respond. I think to every situation that is the spiritual practice. And like one of my favorite things I tell my clients all the time because They like end up laughing.
They come to me and they're like, Oh, I, um, I'm here to like become a more like spiritually evolved [00:04:00] person, but I need, but I need to like figure out this problem that I'm having with my husband or my partner. And I don't want to focus on that because I want to be able to focus on my spirituality. And I'm like, you know, folks, what's in the way is.
The way, like truly what is in the way is the way. So if what's happening for you, if you're like speaking directly to Megan, like if you are a really busy person and you know, you've got, um, you know, all these things that are going on, I think your spiritual practices, how can I still, I don't, I don't, again, again, it depends on what you're looking for, but let's just say, for example, how can I self compassion in the midst of being as busy as I am?
Maybe that's. What your bootcamp is for someone else. It could be, how can I practice? Um,
Kyley: saying no, that can be a practice.
Eva: that can totally exactly. Or like seeing, there's so many things that the abundance of life or [00:05:00] not, or maybe it's about healing your relationship with productivity, you know, like whatever it is, but those are all portals to becoming a more liberated person, which I think is what spirituality is all
Kyley: well, and I think that when our tools or rituals start to feel like required and like evidence of our good, our goodness or like how spiritual we are, they start to lose a lot of their joy. Right. And so if you're someone who, you know, maybe used to had a tarot practice for a long time and it was like really fun and you loved it and you felt really good at a certain point it started to be this and it was like, Oh, I didn't do it this day and I didn't do it.
And all of a sudden it starts to get this like weight around it. And then that's just, it's introducing shame and judgment and in a way that is not conducive. And so, um, I, you know, consider myself a profoundly spiritual person and also I don't have [00:06:00] rituals. I don't meditate. I don't have practices. I occasionally like, you know, I have things that I dabble in, but my.
Spiritual practice is truly like feeling my fucking feelings, right? Like, and that is, and you can do that while you're driving your kids to school. Right? Like you can fold in very seamlessly to your life. Um, that being said, especially where the weather's starting to get colder. And at this time of year, I always get drawn to ritual.
And so I have, I have a particular candle that I bought and I. Did like reset my altar the other day. And I have started like waking up before the kids to have coffee. I do it every year when it starts to get cold. Um, and I do find that there, those, there's our, those are rituals make it easier for me to touch feeling my fucking feelings throughout the day. And also they're not the requirement untethering. Those has been like, [00:07:00] really liberating for me because then there's more compassion. There's not shame and judgment. Um, and so I think my, my, my biggest advice to Megan is to get really clear on what, what you want your spirituality to be, how you want to be as a spiritual person, meaning how you want to feel what you're seeking as a state of being.
Um, Yeah. On 1 level, then look around and see how you get to touch that without any practice or tools or ritual and. Also, what are the rituals or practices or tools that just feel like really fun and nourishing and loving that you might gift yourself a simpler access to if that's the thing you are craving?
Which based on this question, part of me thinks maybe you are craving. And so, um, but start from the place of not required. Because then I think it will take better care of you.
Eva: Yes, that's so well said. [00:08:00] Yeah, I mean, yeah, this not required piece I think is actually really important because where there's force, there's resistance. I cannot stress that enough. It's like then you, yeah, like it just, it just, it just doesn't work that way. It has to be because it's from a place of like joy and organic space.
And so, um, yeah, yeah,
Kyley: I have a question. I have a question for you. So if you're someone who's like, okay, I want more spirituality and my life is really busy and they're resonating with our question, but they're also like, but I don't know what I want it to be. Right. Because I think, I think if we're, if we're used to thinking about our spirituality as the tools.
Which, you know, if you grew up Christian, like that's like, but the whole thing, right? It's like you come and you do these rituals or leave these things. Um, how would you advise someone? Someone's listening to this and it resonates with them, but they don't know the answer of how they want to [00:09:00] feel or what they're trying to create as an emotional state for them.
How would you. Direct them to get clear on that.
Eva: yeah. I so appreciate you noticing that this is an important question. Cause I felt like that this is like part two of it with, that's like the missing piece that I think. If we didn't answer it would have felt like half an answer. Um, And I love this question because I feel like I know my answer, which is that you look at where you're suffering, like your suffering is always going to point to where you are not yet free.
That's all that really is. Like, that's why suffering is, you know, I don't want to be hyperbolic, but That is the gift of suffering. Like I'm not saying I love it, but you can change your relationship with suffering. And that is my relationship with suffering, which is like a freaking sucks. But I'm also grateful because all it is is just a sign pointing me to where I am being given an opportunity to free myself.
So. This is [00:10:00] like a burning Howard quote, but he says, uh, the noticing of a negative is the greatest positive. And I just feel that so deeply. Like, it's so kind. The noticing of the negative is the greatest positive. So for instance, um, you feel like, well, what is what basically it's like, where are you unhappy?
Like what, you know, you know, like, you know, where you're, where you're squeezed, where you're feeling shit, where you feel sad. , um, where you get aggravated and triggered, look at where you are unhappy or stressed out, and that will show you like what your practice needs to be. And so, I don't know. I, I think
Kyley: Mm.
Eva: I'm, I'm trying to think of like practical.
Kyley: can give an example.
Eva: please. Thank you.
Kyley: Time out, okay. I have an example. So, um, in this question, Megan actually actually points to the thing at the bottom.
She says that she wants to basically, she wants to experience deeper spirituality and also it keeps getting put on the bottom of the list. [00:11:00] And so what I'm hearing in that is, um, the ways in which. Maybe you are at the bottom of your own list or the things that bring you the greatest joy or meaning or purpose keep ending up at the bottom of the list.
So in your question, you're pointing to where you want relief, right? And so the relief is not necessarily, here's an itemized list of how I make, redo my schedule. But the, the, the, it's pointing to the follow up question, which is how do you, how do you prioritize you? If what you are noticing is a deficit of prioritizing.
Yourself, the bigger question is like, what does it look like? And what does it feel like to prioritize yourself in your life and let that be a practice, which might look like saying no, it might look like being compassionate when you're judging yourself, right? There's a million ways that prioritizing yourself is its own like infinite lifelong [00:12:00] practice.
Um,
Eva: Can I, can I add to those examples because I think I can infer some meaning from here. It's also like, uh. You don't have time, I would guess. Anytime we feel like we don't have time to do something, it's because we feel like overloaded and overwhelmed and it's, it's the I don't have time, like, fear, fear, right?
And so I think there's also something there about, um, I would guess. Like if I don't get all, if I, if I don't, I have to do all these things that are on my list and I'm really, really busy because I had to basically work my job and if I don't work my job or if I don't take care of my kids or whatever, like something feels, it feels dangerous and it feels unsafe.
And so it's like part of maybe the spiritual practices. Okay. Then that's where the suffering is. And looking at how you can, you find safety within is part of the practice, um, so that you can feel safe enough. [00:13:00] To, yeah, I don't know, maybe like not have to be in survival mode,
Kyley: Mm
Eva: so that you can like take care of yourself.
That's just like one, one facet of it, but that also shows up so much in like motherhood of like, I'm so freaking busy. So then therefore, as we talk about so much on the show, another spiritual lesson there could be. Oh, I have to, and you can probably speak better to this than I can, but some, some practice of like, is it okay to prioritize myself as a mother?
And then working through all the difficult feelings that comes up with that, like making you feel like you're selfish and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So
Kyley: There's, um, there's something that I think you and I also potentially skipped over because it's how it's so ingrained in our perspective, and I think it's, um, the noting the difference between mind and feeling, right? So when you're, you're speaking to where there's suffering, that's the portal. And when I'm speaking to like, [00:14:00] okay, the, the, the deficit is you prioritizing you, right?
I think the thing that we're in that we're. We're assuming because it's us, but not explicitly stating is that part of the practice that we're, I think the way we both move through these is differentiating between like mind and presence, right? And so the mind, I'll speak to myself, my mind wants to come up with stories and plans.
It wants to fix things, right? So it notices, Oh, we're not prioritizing ourselves. Okay, great. I'll write an agenda, right? Or like, I'll like redo my calendar or I will, you know, or
Eva: doing, it's more external doing. Yeah.
Kyley: Right, or my mind will tell a story of like, well, yeah, you're always so bad at taking care of yourself. And that's why you got cavities last month, right?
Like whatever story wants to show up. Um, and, and I think for both of us, spirituality is, is simply and profoundly presence. And so. So I think, like, so we're, [00:15:00] we're giving specific examples of how you can identify suffering and use it as a portal into deeper presence. And what I would offer as part of that is having your own resources.
Of how you can slip from mind into presence, even I use slightly different tools with a lot of the same approaches, but also have very different ways or overlapping. Um, and so there's not 1 way to do this, but I do think, um, in some ways, I think the most profound thing is giving yourself the gift of slipping from.
Mind into presence over and over again. And that's the kind of thing that you can do. You know, I call it feeling my fucking feelings. Right. But that's what that's what I'm pointing to. And, and that can be a meditation practice. It can be ritual, but it can also be, oh, I'm noticing that my body feels dysregulated.
I'm going to stand in the bathroom and take 3 deep breaths. Right. [00:16:00] So having your own, um, access to a way to notice when, notice the difference between mind and presence and begin to give yourself deeper entry point into presence when mind gets locked.
Eva: Yeah. Yeah, that's an interesting, that's a really good distinction and it's just so funny you're right how like this is so default for us that like, um, that's just like where we go but yeah, I think to be clear and I'm saying this more for myself so like I can understand it's like it's not about when you notice where you're suffering it's not coming up with like an another doing action plan necessary that that may come that can come secondary but I think primarily is like noticing your internal world, your internal state.
When I say suffering, I don't mean you're suffering because you like, don't have, you know, you only have time to sleep like three hours a night or something like that. And therefore you change your [00:17:00] sleeping schedule. No, I'm like the suffering within like the stories that you're telling yourself, the, the, the thoughts, the feelings, what's going on in your body.
Like it's all that there's a wealth of information in there. That's telling you there's something that you're thinking or believing or feeling or something that is causing. You to feel tension and unhappiness and being out of sync or whatever. And so to really get to the root of that and then to tend to it, um, hopefully with as much compassion, Yeah, and love and grace as possible.
Kyley: The other thing that's coming to my mind too, as part of an answer to this question is that, you know, there's a reason that for centuries religion existed in community, right? Right. Because. It helps to [00:18:00] be part of a community and I think one of the, one of the many downsides of capitalism is the way in which it makes us feel like we are singularly responsible for things that actually belong to belong in a web of community.
And I think if you, and I think a lot of us do this with the blurry line between kind of personal development, self help, spirituality, where it just becomes a thing that we, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves for, um, and the richness of my spirituality is 100, 000%. Connected to community. It's you. It's Liz.
It's the conversations we have on this show. It's the conversations that we have off line. Um,
Eva: It's also, it's also like my therapist and my like, yeah, like my, my, my, my like teachers, you know, [00:19:00] that's also very much community for me.
Kyley: And, and so I think, and also it's like, It's also being part of like, you know, for me, sometimes it's like taking a group program or, you know, or something like that. But, um, I think if you resonate with this question, I would just be mindful of ways in which you might be pray to. Making your spiritual practices a singular responsibility, and that they might actually be more nourishing and easier to sustain if they are actually part of the fabric of community in your life.
And then you get to decide what that looks like, which will be different for everybody. Um, like, I recently bought these Oracle cards that are animals, which are gorgeous and, um. In part because they're fun to use with my kids and I wanted that to be like a playful, spiritual, intuitive [00:20:00] connection between the three of us.
And so I brought that tool in because I want my family community have, you know, have some of that spiritual weaving. Um, so don't make it your own, don't make it your fault.
Eva: And even just hearing you say that, yeah, don't make it your fault. And it's not meant to be done. On an island by yourself. And also, as you're even saying that, I'm like, yeah, this person, I just already know, like, is probably, like, that's the thing. Everyone's a spiritual being. Like, you're probably very spiritual.
You're already spiritual. So I also think it's, it's, maybe, if it's helpful to flip the narrative of like, oh, I'm not doing these things, and so I don't feel spiritual, I'm not being spiritual enough. And it's like, actually, no. If you are someone who loves I think it's like, widening the definition of what it means to be spiritual, like, if you are creating anything, if you are writing, making music, taking care of kids, having deep [00:21:00] conversations with your loved ones, like, you could be the most Um, Non, maybe you don't consider yourself spiritual and I, and I'd still be like, oh, you're fucking having a spiritual, you ever cry in movies, you know, do you ever, are you moved by things that you read?
Like to me, that's all, are you like moved by delicious food that like it hits your mouth and you're just like, oh my God, I'm so freaking alive. I'm like, all of that is such a spiritual experience. So that's what I mean. Like as humans. Because I see, like, I see the world this way, I'm like, this is all spiritual.
God, eat a fucking oyster and you'll see God. Assuming you like oysters, which I know not everyone does.
Kyley: Don't, because oysters are like intense experience. Right? So, oh, eva, I'm so glad that you said that. Yeah. It's all fucking spiritual, Oh,
Eva: Just being alive. It's like the being alive. And also, yeah, not being alive. Like, yeah, it's all, it's all.
Kyley: Oh, thank you. I love that.
Eva: So [00:22:00] thank you.
Kyley: you have a juicy question for us that you would like answered on the show, um, about spirituality, about living our life, I'm just going to keep requesting gossipy questions like about your coworker, who you're mad at. Those are the things I
Eva: Or the hotty hot, that person that you're like sleeping with, but like, uh, for some reason won't, I don't know, introduce you to their friends. Like, yeah. We want all that
Kyley: Yes. We want, we want the esoteric and profound and also we want the, we want the gossip. So, um, you can just shoot it to us on DM on Instagram or at our email address, um, on the show, which is in the show notes.